Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Daniel Barre » Thu, 14 May 1992 07:15:26



                             Monthly Posting
                     Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
                         comp.sys.amiga.advocacy

INTRODUCTION
============

        As regular readers of comp.sys.amiga.advocacy know, certain topics
come up for discussion regularly.  This document, assembled by the finest
Amiga minds on this side of Chickenmilk, Wisconsin, explains the answers
clearly and accurately, so people don't have to argue about them anymore.

SECTION I:  Computer Performance
================================

1.  Which is better/faster, 680x0 or 80x86 CPU's?

        Generally, the relative speed of a processor is found in the second
        digit of the model number.  For example, the 68000, 68010, 68020,
        68030, and 68040 all have an "8" as the second digit, so they are
        all roughly the same speed.  Similarly, all the "80x86" processors
        have a "0" as the second digit.  This implies that all 680x0
        processors are faster than their 80x86 counterparts.  But everybody
        knows that anyway.

2.  What does the "x" mean in "680x0"?

        The "x" means "extra fast".  The 680x0 processor, to be released
        sometime in 1993, is the fastest processor ever made by Motorola.

3.  What is a "SPECmark"?

        Every computer has bugs.  Sometimes, one will escape from inside the
        computer case, so you have to catch it and squash it.  The small,
        bloody stain made by the bug's smashed body is called a "SPECmark."
        Generally, SPECmarks can be removed by soaking your computer in
        warm, soapy water.

SECTION II:  Mine is better than yours, nyah nyah!
==================================================

1.  Should I buy an Amiga or a Mac? ...or a NeXT? ...or a PC? ...or a goat?

        Deciding which computer to buy is a very personal issue.  It is
        difficult to get two people to agree on the same brand, let alone
        the same model.

        Our panel of computer experts has come up with a sure-fire,
        failure-proof method for buying the right computer.  Simply follow
        these steps exactly, and we guarantee that you will choose a computer
        with appropriate power and capabilities.

        (1)     Make a list of the software packages you want to run.

        (2)     Examine your finances, and decide how much money you can
                afford to spend.  Suppose this is N dollars (or whatever
                units of currency you prefer).

        (3)     Go to the bank and withdraw N units of currency.

        (4)     Go to your local computer dealer.

        (5)     Wave the N units of currency in a salesperson's face,
                yelling "I can get my computer much cheaper by mail order!"
                Then walk out, looking smug.

        (6)     Go home, and put the money under your mattress, in a box
                marked "Money".

        (7)     Mail me your home address, and tell me which days you will
                be out of town.

        (8)     Later that night, make a human sacrifice to the god M'Bitu
                under the light of a full moon.

        (9)     Stand on one leg, tilt your head upward, and yell
                "Vooshie vooshie vooshie" repeatedly until you get tired.

        (10)    Say the word "SPECmark" to several computer-literate people,
                and then nod knowingly.

        (11)    Ask someone else which computer you should buy.  Better yet,
                crosspost to ten or twelve USENET newsgroups, asking people
                which computer is best.  Remember to write "No flames,
                please" at the bottom of your article, and leave the
                "Followup-To" line blank.

2.  Does the Mac OS suck?

        When the Mac was first introduced, it filled a void in the
        IBM-dominated PC market.  Filling a void is analogous to eliminating
        a vacuum, so technically, the Mac does "suck" in that sense.

        The problem with this argument, however.  Commodore's
        top-of-the-line Amiga 3000T has a 2-fan ventilation system and
        therefore sucks in a big way.  This means that the "Amiga vs. Mac"
        argument is right back where it started, with the score tied 1 to 1.

        Rather than using this reasoning, it is generally safer just to yell
        "Macs SUCK" and then run away without explaining.

3.  If fast PC clones cost less than an Amiga, why should anyone buy an
    Amiga instead?

        Amiga owners are a strange bunch.  On the one hand, they are
        creative, knowledgable, and friendly.  On the other hand, they
        are a strange bunch.

        Nobody knows exactly why people buy Amigas.  Many famous researchers
        have puzzled over this issue for years, without success.  The
        best-known theory was proposed by Professor Reginald Wanker of Snoot
        State University.  His 415-page paper, entitled "The Phenomenon of
        Amiga Ownership Among the Tree-Chewing Gibbons of Antarctica" says,
        essentially, that Amiga owners are "a strange bunch" with "very long
        tails."

4.  Which is better, Windows or Workbench?

        The consensus on USENET is that one of them is DEFINITELY better than
        the other.  All of the evidence supports this belief, so nobody
        argues about it anymore.

SECTION III:  Commodore
=======================

1.  Who is Irving Gould?

        Irving started out as a simple janitor's assistant and rose to become
        the reigning czar of Commodore Business Machines.  His annual salary
        is reportedly forty-five zillion dollars per hour.  Nowadays, he
        spends most of his time playing with his CDTV and recruiting
        Marketing people in local wineries.

2.  Why doesn't Commodore do XXX?

        Because it's illegal.

3.  Commodore stock just went [up|down]!!  Is this [good|bad]??

        [Yes|No|Maybe].

4.  Why does the Commodore Marketing Department never advertise the Amiga?

        They DO advertise.  Just not to humans.

SECTION IV:  Blatant Commercial Announcement
============================================

        <KABOOM!!> <CRASH!!!> <OGLI-OGLI-OGLI!!!!!!> What are those bizarre
        SOUNDS?!?  Could it BE?!?!  YES!!!  Introducing...

                        BLAZEMONGER 2.04

        The most *compatible* game in EXISTENCE!!  BLAZEMONGER 2.04 runs on
        ANYTHING:  Amiga 500, 500+, 600, 1000, 1500, 2000, 2500, 3000,
        3000T, CDTV... under EVERY version of the Amiga OS!  Even TOTALLY
        BROKEN versions with THOUSANDS of KNOWN BUGS will run BLAZEMONGER
        2.04 with NO DIFFICULTY!!  Is your computer monitor broken?  Is the
        CPU fried?  NO PROBLEM!!!  BLAZEMONGER 2.04 will run on ANYTHING!

        Heck, BLAZEMONGER 2.04 is so compatible it runs on TELEVISIONS,
        MICROWAVE OVENS, LIVE GOATS, and even HUMAN BODIES!!  Just stick the
        BLAZEMONGER 2.04 boot disk into your mouth, bite down HARD, and BOOT
        UP!!!

        Buy BLAZEMONGER 2.04 today at your local purveyor of "ViolentWare"
        products!  Look for our special store display:  a twelve-meter-tall
        statue of the Grim Reaper being run through a CHEESE GRATER into
        a VAT of BOILING TAR.  Yum!!

SECTION V:  Religious Issues
=============================

1.  Which is better, C or assembly language?

        Both C and assembly have fallen out of style.  Most serious
        programmers nowadays use a new language called "BLORT".
        BLORT lets programmers use whatever combination of languages
        they want, all mixed in the same file.  For example, a typical
        BLORT program for "hello world" looks like:

                MODULE HelloWorld(defun write (x) (SAY #? > /dev/tty))
                {
                        .KEY string/a

                        while ((c = getchar()) != EOF)
                        begin
                                MOVEM   $r0 0x287BA9
                                task body is accept stdout end;
                        128     FORMAT "%s\n"
                                "hello world" << 128 when not Thursday
                exit 0

        Keeping with the humorous "GNU Software" tradition of recursive
        acronyms, "BLORT" actually stands for "Blort Lort Ort Rt T".

2.  Is copy protection good or bad?

        Most companies nowadays agree that copy protection is bad.  However,
        due to pressure from users who want the benefits that copy
        protection provides, companies have reluctantly added it to their
        products.

        Some companies who don't use copy protection have reported problems
        due to European "cracker" groups.  These groups buy all the
        legitimate copies of the software, add copy protection, and then
        hide the disks in deep, underground vaults so nobody can use them.
        Obviously, this hurts sales -- when ordinary users go to the store,
        they discover that all the software is gone.

SECTION VI:  Other Questions
===========================

        If you need the answer to a question, but it is not found in this
document, look for the article "Frequently Unasked Questions" (FUQ) which is
posted forty times a day in the newsgroup comp.sys.amiga.vapor.

        Special thanks to everyone who contributed information for this FAQ
article:  Denise Agnus, Ozzy Ozbourne, Richard Nixon, Linus Pauling, Phyllis
Schlafly, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Bill Griffith, Alan Turing, Vlad the
Impaler, Kimba the White Lion, and the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
Department.

                                                        Dan

 //////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barr...@cs.umass.edu |
 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////////
Copyright 1992 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Jason William Nybe » Fri, 15 May 1992 02:06:19


-SECTION VI:  Other Questions
-===========================

-       If you need the answer to a question, but it is not found in this
-document, look for the article "Frequently Unasked Questions" (FUQ) which is

The rest was pretty good,  but this killed me.
Not bad for a little change of pace.. :)

--
Jason Nyberg                Amiga... The Eagle Talon of Computers

Warning: This .sig designed to attract flames.  Reprodouce with Caution!

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Gerald G. Washingt » Fri, 15 May 1992 08:39:02



>                         Monthly Posting
>                 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
>                     comp.sys.amiga.advocacy

I've got to save this thing.  I especially liked this part...

Quote:>SECTION VI:  Other Questions
>===========================

>    If you need the answer to a question, but it is not found in this
>document, look for the article "Frequently Unasked Questions" (FUQ) which is
>posted forty times a day in the newsgroup comp.sys.amiga.vapor.

Once this file is published, Mr. Barrett may be up for an award.  He's got my
vote...

-- Gerald

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Dan Stephens » Sat, 16 May 1992 04:21:53




>>                             Monthly Posting
>>                     Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
>>                         comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
>I've got to save this thing.  I especially liked this part...
>>SECTION VI:  Other Questions
>>===========================

>>        If you need the answer to a question, but it is not found in this
>>document, look for the article "Frequently Unasked Questions" (FUQ) which is

                                                               ^^^^^^^

Quote:>>posted forty times a day in the newsgroup comp.sys.amiga.vapor.

Such profanity! Let's call it 'F*Q', okay? :)|

Quote:>Once this file is published, Mr. Barrett may be up for an award.  He's got my
>vote...

Mine too.
-dan
.

Quote:>-- Gerald

--
Dan Stephenson          ____    ___     ___     ____   ____          


386/33Mhz 4 MB RAM 14" SVGA Seagate 130M HD+OS/2 2.0!(but need more RAM)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Daniel Barre » Sat, 16 May 1992 06:54:45



>Such profanity! Let's call it 'F*Q', okay? :)|

        Oh, I get it!  "Frequently Askterisk Questions!"

                                                        Dan

 //////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |

 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////////

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Stefan Beck » Fri, 22 May 1992 16:59:05



>    Keeping with the humorous "GNU Software" tradition of recursive
>    acronyms, "BLORT" actually stands for "Blort Lort Ort Rt T".

WOW, that's my new dream language! Where can I get a compreter or
interpiler for it? Should I contact the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
Department? (Better not :-)

        Stefan

--
Mail  : Stefan Becker, Holsteinstrasse 9, D-5100 Aachen  ///    Only
Phone : +49-241-505705                      Germany     ///  Amiga makes


 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Donald R Llo » Sat, 23 May 1992 11:26:38



>WOW, that's my new dream language! Where can I get a compreter or
>interpiler for it? Should I contact the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
>Department? (Better not :-)

     When the time is right, and if you qualify, they will contact you.
 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Martin Horneff » Sat, 23 May 1992 17:15:25



>WOW, that's my new dream language! Where can I get a compreter or
>interpiler for it? Should I contact the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
>Department? (Better not :-)

Yeah, Blort sounds quite amazing. I'd be really interested in whether
Blort finally makes it possible to port all these wonderfull Windows 3.1
applications to the Amiga?

And - is there a version of Blort available for my microwave?

Martin
--



 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Alan Braggi » Sat, 23 May 1992 19:45:24




>>        Keeping with the humorous "GNU Software" tradition of recursive
>>        acronyms, "BLORT" actually stands for "Blort Lort Ort Rt T".
> WOW, that's my new dream language! Where can I get a compreter or
> interpiler for it? Should I contact the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
> Department? (Better not :-)
>    Stefan

BLORT does not delay your development with outdated concepts like these -
instead your microcode is reprogrammed so that BLORT is your native machine code,
making the machine up to 500 times faster as a side effect.

Of course, after this you can't run anything except BLORT, but why would you want to?

P.S. BLAZEMONGER Inc. takes no responsibility for any lethal accidents caused by the
very high voltages needed to redesign your CPU, nor for any fires caused by a CPU
running at 500 times its rated speed.

--
Alan Braggins, Shape Data (A Division of EDS Ltd), Cambridge, UK +44-223-316673
   "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
 "My employer does not necessarily share my views - but I'm working on it."

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions Which Are Asked Very Frequently

Post by Daniel Barre » Wed, 27 May 1992 00:33:19



Quote:>> WOW, that's my new dream language! Where can I get a compreter or
>> interpiler for it? Should I contact the BLAZEMONGER "Customer Service"
>> Department? (Better not :-)

        Real programmers KNOW where to find it.


Quote:>Yeah, Blort sounds quite amazing. I'd be really interested in whether
>Blort finally makes it possible to port all these wonderful Windows 3.1
>applications to the Amiga?

        First of all, Martin, it's BLORT in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS!
If you don't SHOUT when you USE IT, the compiler automatically DELETES
ITSELF from your disk.  (Check the license agreement.)

        Port your Windows applications?  No PROBLEM!  Heck, porting
becomes so TRIVIAL that around here at BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED,
we refer to it as "BLORTING".

Quote:>And - is there a version of Blort [sic] available for my microwave?

        Sorry, but BLORTING with kitchen appliances is illegal in some
states.


>BLORT does not delay your development with outdated concepts like these -
>instead your microcode is reprogrammed so that BLORT is your native machine
>code, making the machine up to 500 times faster as a side effect.

        Ah-HA!  *Now* we know where those Beta copies of the BLORT
hypercompiler went.  Time to send the "Customer Service" people over
to be "helpful"....

                                                        Dan

 //////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |

 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////////

 
 
 

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