UNITED NATIONS (NorthSouth News) July 22, 2000 -- Following closely on
the heels of the split up of Microsoft Corp., the United Nations
Security Council and the World Trade Organization issued a Finding of
Fact on Friday which declared the United States to be an illegal
superpower. In unusually harsh statements, the UN found that the
United States abused its superpower status to impose democracy and
western culture on competing nations.
Doug Legalbert, head of the U.N. legal team, stated that the United
States has a long history of illegal activity. "The recent
intervention in Kosovo and the ongoing embargo of Iraq are recent
examples of the United State's abuse of their superpower status," said
Legalbert, "they act like they're the world's policemen." "We have
evidence that they may have even spied on other nations," he added.
"It's just not fair," said a dictator of a small counry in South
America, "they worked hard and got ahead, and all we have is
rainforests. We should burn their land and stomp all over the
Other countries echoed this sentiment, upset about American
intervention during the Gulf War, Vietnam, and World Wars I and II.
"America sucks," cried all of France in unison, "they are uncultured
and their language is choppy."
According to an ambassador who wished to remain anonymous, "Illegal
behavior requires prompt and harsh punishment. . . the global
community is considering a handful of remedies to keep the United
States in check."
Some of the actions that may be taken include:
* Splitting the country into three "Baby Americas".
- Western states will get the Air Force and Democrats
- Middle/mountain states will get the Marines and the
- Eastern states will get the Navy and the Republican party
The remaining armed forces and population will be shifted to make
each region relatively equal in both land area and population.
* Requiring the Baby Americas to fully open their borders to
prevent "exclusionary tactics" in which the U.S. had previously
limited the number of immigrants.
* Requiring that the government and miliarary to switch to "Open
Source". All present and past government and military secrets will
be openly published so that other nations can build, among other
things, new weapons of mass distruction.
"Requiring the government to go open source is the best thing that
ever happened. They will finally be forced to reveal the truth about
aliens and stuff," said one Linux advocate.
(Disclaimer: This does not necessarily represent the views of me, my
country, my employer, my internet service provider, my mom, or anybody
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